I Have Never... Been 'Shoed'

It’s now official.


Shoe-throwing isn’t just awesome fun. It’s a sure-fire way to your 5-minutes of fame, glory, and knowing our idiot-run predictable media, a sizeable fortune too, if you have any sense for business.

Lobbing smelly footwearat someone is bound to be fun. It sure does look it.

Besides, it’s turned into a global phenomenon. Technically, Bush wasn’t the first one to be shoed away. Almost every angry rhetoric, the world over, uses the threat of being slippered to get their furious opinions across. And many have actually resorted to doing so. Many entertaining moments have been captured on camera, much to the joy of the general public. Today, we even have organized events to cater to this special-interest-sport.

I’m glad I’m not a politician or government servant in India today. Every one, from Prime Minister to a lowly constable, has been the recipient of poorly aimed foot wear.

Which brings me to an important question that no one seems to be discussing: Are shoes really that hard to throw?!

I find it difficult to believe there are so many people in the world who just can’t chuck stuff with basic accuracy. I’m someone similarly challenged – I couldn't throw a ball to save my life. However, that's exactly why I wouldn't try something like that in public! I'd be more embarassed at missing than anything else.

But consider that almost every single incident till date involved loads of planning, dreams of glory, analysis of possible trajectories, and full knowledge of the outcome of one’s actions, and you’ll see where I’m coming from. Why the fuck can’t these morons make contact with their sitting-duck targets?!

Maybe shoes are just built wrong. Lobbing stuff possibly requires that the object involved have some kind of aerodynamic styling, especially when they’re required to travel some distance.

Then again, the intention of lobbing footwear at someone is usually to make maximum contact – and that would result in maximum embarrassment. There are two aspects here which are most important: the sole of the shoe, and the target’s face.

The closer you are to either of these, the closer you are to complete success. Focusing on air-resistance and geometry will turn the shoe into trajectory-based bullet, which greatly reduces the embarrassment factor. If your target is harmed by your pointy-toed missile, he gets a lot of sympathy, which is not the intention, mind you. However, too much work on such stuff takes away from all the fun involved. The 'impromptu lob' still gets my vote.

And practice makes perfect, eh? I should probably put out my own 10-pointers on How To Throw A Shoe, but there are far too many of those out there.

FAST FACT: If you can’t hit your target with a shoe, after planning for days or months, you must be a real tool.

I got shoed today - but in a great way. My office staff got together and gifted me a cool pair of Reebok runners seeing as my birthday is coming up. I’m smiling.